wow, that was hard to read but oh so good too. the most painful breakup/ reuniting i've ever read.
the first reunion kiss,so angry,.then so sweet....
so now youre back, from outer space. i should have changed that stupid lock, i should have made you leave your key.
J: you were the only person in the world i could be honest with.
...then A just gave it all to him, up against the wall.
J: "oh baby" "yeah" "sorry, so sorry" "hey"
A: "hey" i said, ruefully.
J: "i missed you"
i loved jakes confidence here, the suredness that he loved this man and thought he was precious. the openess and agressiveness of his touch reaffirming he was sure and more than okay with it. Finally, he's talking.
and Adrien, always discounting himself, laughing, not believing any compliment. yet charming all the men around him. heck, all the women too.
i loved the Guy, triangle aspect of all this. i still dont get jake and pauls relationship. in the interviews, Jake says "it was just sex" but paul made it clear they were close and trusted eachother with everything, and got more intense after the marriage. Would like to know more about Jakes need for SM, self hatred I think, separate from love.
what i wouldnt give to have jakes pov at the convo with kate. that must have been brutal. did she have a clue something was up? she must have, she heard him on the phone the night before the boat incident.
so many juicy vocab words, my dictionary feature was busy.
perspicuity, clearly expressed and easily understood, lucid
ormolu, a metal alloy cast into shapes, ornamenting furniture or clocks
moue, a pouting face to convey annoyance
lout, an uncouth or aggressive man
soporific, inducing drowsiness
desultorily, lacking a plan or enthusiasm
mellifluous, sweet or musical pleasant
only one typo in punctuation. thats great.
so good. this series is amazing. on to book 5 and the interviews....
As a personal aside, my dad was jake for 22 yrs. this book, along with abbi roux's books have sparked some conversations with him i am so glad to have had.
he lived a straight life, kids, wife. he came out in the 70's when his marriage fell apart, not necessarily because he was gay. he had no one. 22 yrs, he told no one. nothing. he had no one in the world he could be honest with.
he had a teenage lover back in the 50's in post-war holland, but it ended badly and his catholic guilt convinced him to deny it, and he married. he loved my mother. how he put up with that witch all those years....maybe self punishing like jake?
he tells me there was no gay media back then. he actually put out a personal ad and met someone thru snail mail. can you imagine? the man he met, he slept with, was also married. their wives got wind of it and shredded them both to pieces. my mother screamed horrible things at him, in front of me, their friends. for years. so awful for him. he's a sweet, sexy, beautiful adrien...well, he's Andre but people call him adrien by mistake all the time.
i remember someone keyed the word 'fag' into the trunk of his car. awful.
he's told me how he slowly began to accept himself, to move on. and finally found a lover after a few painful breakups. they were happy together for 28 years. his lover died 2 years ago. hes 76 now.
when i told him how sorry i was that he went thru that, he assured me that we learn and grow from these things. he also said that the sex in real life was better than anything i'm reading in these books.