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Angel Edits - Blog

Editing Services for male/male and male/female romance authors. 

Deeper

Deeper  - Robin York This book was.....frustrating.
It was a four star story demoted to three because of the editing. The words are so good, emotional, deep, sexy.

At one moment, I'm dazzled and floating on eebyjeebees....dreaming of West.


then suddenly I'm pissed like hell with the writing; dropped threads, bizarre transitions, inconsistent characterization.

Caroline is all over the place. She's a mouse, she's fierce, she's a prude, she's a slut. This girl did not cancel her facebook and twitter accounts when the pics came out? She then texted a bikini photo, and let her man go down on her in a public library? Just did not find her likable.

West is amazingly hot and making all kinds of beautiful sense but then he goes totally out of character bragging of his sexual prowess asking for a medal? Teasing his friend about texting photos of women? Gah!

It just needs some more time and work. It just does not flow. Present tense does not help. The ending is a total buzzkill.

Apart from that, it does take an interesting look at the negative social impacts of online media. Internet bullying.
When does something virtual cross the line into reality? How can we protect ourselves when someone points a camera (I absolutely hate it when people photograph my kids. My childrens images are not online, at my hubbies request, but now I see where he's coming from).
But then again, if everyone's everything is online, are we desensitized to seeing someone naked? If we ignore it, does it go away?

I enjoyed enough parts of this, well, of West, for three stars...but the editing ruined the magic for me.

45%, "December" Caroline's paragraph is out of sequence. He hasn't knocked twice yet. Fix it.